Well....
It's been a L-O-N-G time since I have posted anything... I got a big old case of the Camino Blues when I got home. Didn't realize quite how blue I have been, until I recently started to see in technicolor again! I talked about it with Sue Kenney, the woman with whom I walked the Camino, and she shared these wise words with me: " The journey back home is just as challenging as the journey to Santiago. You are not alone."
Just hearing this normalized my experience and I just allowed it to be what it was. And I began my journey being home...
And so I want to share with you an extraordinary experience that happened in my back yard just this past weekend. I was sitting at my computer, which when I look up from it, I look outside across my front porch into my west yard. It is beautiful, with big tall green trees that run beside our community water ditch and best of all, has a classical labyrinth that my husband, Steve, created last summer. There is also our tramp, and that standing beside it on this particular sunny afternoon, was a deer, a doe quietly standing there, not moving. Seeing deer in Boulder is not unusual at all, but there was something about her that was different. At first, I thought that maybe she was sleeping standing up, but then every few minutes as I would look up, she would haved moved a step or so, slowly toward the house.
Steve went out to get the mail, and thought that she was going to "charge" him, given her position. But no...nothing in her energy was charging or moving at all. Then I looked up again, and noticed that there was drool falling from her mouth. As I looked more closely, she seemed like she was wasting away, losing energy with each delicate footstep, and that she was asking for help. We both knew that something was seriously wrong with her.
We made several calls and got a hold of a ranger from the Open Space department who happened to be close by. He came over, and confirmed that she had "chronic wasting disease" - which perfectly described her condition. There was nothing that could be done to save her, and that what was necessary was to shoot her, both to save her from suffering, but also to save her from infecting other deer.
So, there in our yard, and within the first outer spiral of our labyrinth, the ranger shot her. In the head, close up. She didn't move, didn't run, didn't do anything, but stand there and accept what was happening.
I couldn't watch. I couldn't even be outside at this point. All I could do was send her lots of love and blessings for a safe and quick journey and stay inside with the two youngest kids and their friends. My older son and his friend were outside with Steve witnessing all of this, and my older daughter happened to not be here at all for any of this.
But I heard it...I heard the gunshot. It rang out loudly, over the traffic. So quick, so sudden, so final.
And she fell instantly down toward the center of the labyrinth.
A short while later, before the boys, Steve and the ranger moved her body, I went outside, and thanked her for her gentle presence. I knew that she had come into our yard, and our labyrinth on purpose. She needed our help. She wanted to die ion sacred ground, and so she chose the labyrinth. And we answered her pleas for help, although I wish her death could have been less violent.
This week, I asked that her energy be fully released from this land, and to be completely free to go onto the next realm, wherever that may be. We have been asking ourselves, "What are the lessons from this extraordinary event and gift? What do we each need to learn and receive from this?" A friend also wisely asked, "What needs to die?"
Deer medicine teaches us to use the power of gentleness with the demons and saboteurs, both internal and external. Perhaps her powerful gift to us is to remind us that sometimes we need to let go of the battle with those aspects of ourselves that tirelessly try to keep us from our true brilliance. We can be so loudly consumed with battling them that we forget that a little self love and compassion can transform everything. Let the battle die, and actually be at peace with even those shadow parts of ourselves that we love to hate. Allow the hate to die, and to truly choose love and compassion and acceptance for ALL of who we are. Choose love and compassion for ourselves, for each other, and even worst critics and enemies. What then would our world look like? What is truly possible then?
I am now a pilgrim - I live my life as a pilgrim. And I walk our labyrinth everyday as my sacred pilgrimage as I live my life here at home with my family. It reconnects me with the sacred path of the El Camino, the Celtic Camino, and the sacred path that we each are on, every day of our lives, no matter where we are, what we are doing, who we are being. Every step is a sacred, blessed step - for we are alive on this beautiful planet.
Now, when I walk our labyrinth, I have a friend who joins me. She gently walks beside me as I swerve and turn, twist and double back, and reminds me, "Gentleness...gentleness...walk in gentleness, and allow your true brilliance, love and beauty to come shining forth. I will show you the way."
And then, yesterday morning, three young deer - two does and a young buck, bounded across the ditch into our yard. They were young, joyful and lively. We all saw them, and then they were gone. For me, it was the completion and the healing of the event of last Saturday. I knew that we had received the gifts, released the trauma, and that we have begun to walk in gentleness.
Thank you, Deer.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
OK - one more post from England
Hello.
We are getting ready to go to the theatre this evening, and I just wanted to let you know about our day. We had planned on going to the National Gallery, but it was so crowded and so full of tourists! A little overwhelming...so we stayed on the doubledecker bus - yes, we were of course sitting up top in the front seats - all the way to Aldwych along the Strand to go to the Somerset House.
What a gem! In the middle of it all is a large courtyard that has one of the dancing water fountains, like the one on the Boulder Mall in front of the old Courthouse, but much, much larger. Children were playing and running around in it - you could tell that their "mums" had brought them down there for the specific purpose of playing in the water on a hot and sunny London day. Alea was bummed she didn't bring her bathing suit.
We chose to come here to go the Courtauld Gallery which has a very significant collection of Impressionist, post Impressionist and Expression works of art. I saw some of the Manet pieces that I had studied my senior year of college, some Monet's, and some of great pieces by Cezanne, Degas and Matisse. They even had Van Gogh's self portrait after he cut off his ear.
And to top it all off they had a sweet little cafe downstairs that we went to to eat a light lunch in the middle of our wanderings.
We loved it! It was quiet, beautiful, and accessible. By that I mean that we could leisurely walk around and quietly look at these masterpieces without feeling crowded or jostled which allowed us to really take it in and look at the art. It was a wonderful experience and a great way to complete our time here in England.
I will say that on our way home we stopped off at Oxford Street and found the antiques market where I also used to work. It is called Gray's Antiques Market and up until about 2 years ago, there was a little cafe back in one of the basment corners of the triangular shaped building. All the antique vendors still filled up the stalls with all of their porcelain, jewelry, and such, but unfortunately, the little cafe was no longer there. But it still was fun to go back in and see where I had spent so much of my time during the spring of 1982.
I had found the job there after I quit my more "professional" job on Curzon Street working for a small business. Quite honestly, I had been miserable there, and was delighted to find a fun and easy restaurant/cafe job that was Monday through Friday 9 to 5, so that I could still go traveling and cycling just about every weekend from London to explore England.
The benefits of being a British citizen - being able to work over here and to live here for a year when I had just graduated from college.
It has been so good to be back, and I am committed to coming back more frequently, every year or so, if not living here for a year or so with my family. So tomorrow I get to go home, and be reunited with my family! Michael doesn't get home from my sister's home in Philadelphia for another couple of weeks, but we will get to be with Steve and Gracie for sure, and Andrew when he gets off from work...
And I get to start creating and weaving the dream of living and being in England with my family! I wonder how it will all unfold!
We are getting ready to go to the theatre this evening, and I just wanted to let you know about our day. We had planned on going to the National Gallery, but it was so crowded and so full of tourists! A little overwhelming...so we stayed on the doubledecker bus - yes, we were of course sitting up top in the front seats - all the way to Aldwych along the Strand to go to the Somerset House.
What a gem! In the middle of it all is a large courtyard that has one of the dancing water fountains, like the one on the Boulder Mall in front of the old Courthouse, but much, much larger. Children were playing and running around in it - you could tell that their "mums" had brought them down there for the specific purpose of playing in the water on a hot and sunny London day. Alea was bummed she didn't bring her bathing suit.
We chose to come here to go the Courtauld Gallery which has a very significant collection of Impressionist, post Impressionist and Expression works of art. I saw some of the Manet pieces that I had studied my senior year of college, some Monet's, and some of great pieces by Cezanne, Degas and Matisse. They even had Van Gogh's self portrait after he cut off his ear.
And to top it all off they had a sweet little cafe downstairs that we went to to eat a light lunch in the middle of our wanderings.
We loved it! It was quiet, beautiful, and accessible. By that I mean that we could leisurely walk around and quietly look at these masterpieces without feeling crowded or jostled which allowed us to really take it in and look at the art. It was a wonderful experience and a great way to complete our time here in England.
I will say that on our way home we stopped off at Oxford Street and found the antiques market where I also used to work. It is called Gray's Antiques Market and up until about 2 years ago, there was a little cafe back in one of the basment corners of the triangular shaped building. All the antique vendors still filled up the stalls with all of their porcelain, jewelry, and such, but unfortunately, the little cafe was no longer there. But it still was fun to go back in and see where I had spent so much of my time during the spring of 1982.
I had found the job there after I quit my more "professional" job on Curzon Street working for a small business. Quite honestly, I had been miserable there, and was delighted to find a fun and easy restaurant/cafe job that was Monday through Friday 9 to 5, so that I could still go traveling and cycling just about every weekend from London to explore England.
The benefits of being a British citizen - being able to work over here and to live here for a year when I had just graduated from college.
It has been so good to be back, and I am committed to coming back more frequently, every year or so, if not living here for a year or so with my family. So tomorrow I get to go home, and be reunited with my family! Michael doesn't get home from my sister's home in Philadelphia for another couple of weeks, but we will get to be with Steve and Gracie for sure, and Andrew when he gets off from work...
And I get to start creating and weaving the dream of living and being in England with my family! I wonder how it will all unfold!
Confronting Loss
So yesterday Alea and I were having a wonderful day...a leisurely walk through Hyde Park over to Kingsbridge and Harrods. We walked around the store...mesmerized by the displays and sheer quantities of things and people, and truth to be told...we got a little lost! Had to find our way around, down and around to the "Green Man" Pub on the lower ground level where we had a delicious lunch watching some of Wimbledon on the "tellie".
And then we walked along to Green Park, a smaller city park that I used to walk through everyday to go to work when I lived in the Victoria area and worked on Curzon Street, a rather posh street in the Mayfair area of the city. I had to use the "loo" quite badly so we found one at the Green Park tube station...all was well until Alea accidentally dropped the camera out of her jacket pocket onto the floor, and when she went to pick it up (along with being a little distracted by a non-flushing toilet), it was gone. Just like that...gone. The bathroom attendant tried to help us find it, but my hunch is that 2 girls who left quite quickly just before us snatched it up and took off with it before Alea quite realized what was happening....
It really has been quite the shock for both of us...for me, 5 weeks of great pictures dating back to my first evening in Spain even before starting to walk the Camino, and for Alea, 3 weeks of our adventures and travels, including pictures of a huge banana in a window display, her Nana's home that she grew up with the beautiful dolphin bird bath still out front, and a picture of her Granfer's "Old Member" page in the alumni book at Queen's College at Oxford University.
We were shocked, angry, and unbelievably sad...
We tried going back to the bathroom in hopes of a miracle...but nothing was found.
We just sat in the park for a while, stunned...and then we decided to just get up, walk and move our bodies...so we headed to Mayfair and Curzon Street. We think we found my old building, if I remembered the address correctly. We then continued up South Audley Street toward Oxford Street...another area where I had also worked back in 1982. We passed by Grosvenor Square where the American Embassy has been...we seem to walk into any park we come across so we of course walked into this park as well. As we walked, we had been laughingly asking ourselves, "What are you grateful for right now?" "What else are you grateful for?"
We passed by an area within the park that looked very interesting and so we read the plaque by it. It turned out to be the Memorial to the 67 British citizens who had been killed in the 9-11 attacks on the World Trade Center. It had pillars made of solid oak trees, and beautiful plants and flowers that were chosen intentionally for their meaning and that had also been included in the Queen's posey for the Memorial Service for these people. Without our even discussing it, we both read each and every name of the people who had been killed...
And this helped us to realize that our loss was nothing in comparison...these people had lost their lives, and their families had lost a loved family member. We had lost a camera, and many pictures, to be sure, but we were safe, we still had each other, and we still had our treasured experiences from this journey and pilgrimage. No one can take that from us, camera or no camera, pictures or no pictures.
I realized that when I woke up this morning that the gift, or perhaps even the miracle, is that we have to internalize this journey, remember and imprint the experiences within ourselves, and fully own and integrate each and every experience, and each and every internal picture of these experiences. We don't just get to spill it out as we share our pictures - we get to re-create our journey, and our pilgrimage, and our re-connecting with place, family and friends, in a deep and meaningful way that only encourages us to each integrate the experience more deeply and with more meaning.
I had to keep reminding myself yesterday that there is a silver lining in every experience, especially the ones that seems negative. So I woke up this morning with that gift, and even though it is not the way I would have preferred it, it is the way it is...we cannot change that now. We will never get the camera or the pictures back, but we do have this amazing experience, and what a wonderful journey it has been.
So we are off to go to the National Gallery via a double-decker bus and to do some more walking around London. Today is our last full day here, for tomorrow we fly back to the States. So we are going to enjoy this day to the fullest, taking in and imprinting the many images and experiences of this day. And then tonight my godfather, John Smith, is taking us to the theater to see "Wicked" right near Victoria Station. What a great way to end our journey, with our last night in England, and Europe for that matter, at the theater.
Next time I will most likely be blogging state-side!
And then we walked along to Green Park, a smaller city park that I used to walk through everyday to go to work when I lived in the Victoria area and worked on Curzon Street, a rather posh street in the Mayfair area of the city. I had to use the "loo" quite badly so we found one at the Green Park tube station...all was well until Alea accidentally dropped the camera out of her jacket pocket onto the floor, and when she went to pick it up (along with being a little distracted by a non-flushing toilet), it was gone. Just like that...gone. The bathroom attendant tried to help us find it, but my hunch is that 2 girls who left quite quickly just before us snatched it up and took off with it before Alea quite realized what was happening....
It really has been quite the shock for both of us...for me, 5 weeks of great pictures dating back to my first evening in Spain even before starting to walk the Camino, and for Alea, 3 weeks of our adventures and travels, including pictures of a huge banana in a window display, her Nana's home that she grew up with the beautiful dolphin bird bath still out front, and a picture of her Granfer's "Old Member" page in the alumni book at Queen's College at Oxford University.
We were shocked, angry, and unbelievably sad...
We tried going back to the bathroom in hopes of a miracle...but nothing was found.
We just sat in the park for a while, stunned...and then we decided to just get up, walk and move our bodies...so we headed to Mayfair and Curzon Street. We think we found my old building, if I remembered the address correctly. We then continued up South Audley Street toward Oxford Street...another area where I had also worked back in 1982. We passed by Grosvenor Square where the American Embassy has been...we seem to walk into any park we come across so we of course walked into this park as well. As we walked, we had been laughingly asking ourselves, "What are you grateful for right now?" "What else are you grateful for?"
We passed by an area within the park that looked very interesting and so we read the plaque by it. It turned out to be the Memorial to the 67 British citizens who had been killed in the 9-11 attacks on the World Trade Center. It had pillars made of solid oak trees, and beautiful plants and flowers that were chosen intentionally for their meaning and that had also been included in the Queen's posey for the Memorial Service for these people. Without our even discussing it, we both read each and every name of the people who had been killed...
And this helped us to realize that our loss was nothing in comparison...these people had lost their lives, and their families had lost a loved family member. We had lost a camera, and many pictures, to be sure, but we were safe, we still had each other, and we still had our treasured experiences from this journey and pilgrimage. No one can take that from us, camera or no camera, pictures or no pictures.
I realized that when I woke up this morning that the gift, or perhaps even the miracle, is that we have to internalize this journey, remember and imprint the experiences within ourselves, and fully own and integrate each and every experience, and each and every internal picture of these experiences. We don't just get to spill it out as we share our pictures - we get to re-create our journey, and our pilgrimage, and our re-connecting with place, family and friends, in a deep and meaningful way that only encourages us to each integrate the experience more deeply and with more meaning.
I had to keep reminding myself yesterday that there is a silver lining in every experience, especially the ones that seems negative. So I woke up this morning with that gift, and even though it is not the way I would have preferred it, it is the way it is...we cannot change that now. We will never get the camera or the pictures back, but we do have this amazing experience, and what a wonderful journey it has been.
So we are off to go to the National Gallery via a double-decker bus and to do some more walking around London. Today is our last full day here, for tomorrow we fly back to the States. So we are going to enjoy this day to the fullest, taking in and imprinting the many images and experiences of this day. And then tonight my godfather, John Smith, is taking us to the theater to see "Wicked" right near Victoria Station. What a great way to end our journey, with our last night in England, and Europe for that matter, at the theater.
Next time I will most likely be blogging state-side!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
It is the Summer Solstice - Happy Solstice!
It's a bright and early Sunday morning. We are staying with an old friend, Diana, and her family down in southern Dorset not far from the coast. Yesterday we walked around Lyme Regis, a beautiful coastal town where "A French Liutenant's Woman" was filmed. It really was a lovely day - later in the afternoon Alea got to go swimming with Andrew, Diana's husband, in the Channel! She didn't even realized how cold she was until she got out and realized that her body was actually numb!
We head back to London today...and sadly have to give up our little rental car. We have loved this little car - I have gotten to drive on the left side of the road, shift gears with my left hand and really enjoy the little single country lanes that are carved out of the hedgerows.
Still wondering what the "Pilgrimage of Initiation" has been about for me...but the experience I have had in the past week or so is one of coming home and really feeling where I want to grow my roots.
I had mentioned in my last blog about my leaving here 27 years ago...in no way do I want what I wrote to be misconstrued. I have loved my last 27 years...and I am so blessed to be with Steve, our 4 wonderful children and to be living in Boulder, Colorado in our farmhouse with our community of family and friends nearby. My life is rich and full...and I am so grateful. My comment from the last blog was a reflection of how much I appreciate being in England and my being English...and that this is an aspect of me that cannot be ignored any longer. It is not that I wish these past years have unfolded in any way differently than they have. Not at all...now I just wish to bring all these relationships, people, and aspects of my life together into an integrated whole.
Perhaps this is what a pilgrimage is all about...to go on a physical journey in search of something, a spiritual truth, that actually has always existed within yourself. Yet it is the journey itself that is the catalyst for experiencing the Truth...that even though it is always already within, the journey provides the means to actually acknowledge, experience and embrace the truth that is within...and that for each of us, this truth is a different reflection on some deep inherent truth that we all share, yet we each get to - actually have to - experience in our own way, with our own slant on it.
And for me, for whatever reason, this journey has been about coming home...coming home to myself, to what is true and right for me...to accept and embrace all of who I am.
Not sure if I am making any sense...as I am literally processing as I type. I will continue to be with all of these thoughts and awarenesses, and see where they go and how they develop. But the thought of COMING HOME has been coming up quite a lot over this past week since my visit to Rosslyn Chapel a week ago. Was it really only a week ago? It seems like we have experienced lifetimes since our visit to Edinburgh last weekend.
It looks like it is going to be a beautiful day. We have the morning here with Diana and Andrew and family, and then we are off to meet Carol, an English friend who was living in Boulder and has just moved back to England, at Avebury - a circle of ancient stones that makes Stonehenge look small.
I had thought that I wanted to go to Stonehenge on the Solstice, which I did quite by accident 28 years ago. We got to go up to the stones as the Druids were completing their rituals and ceremonies. I had no idea at that time that it was the solstice, or that going up to the stones was anything special...I have since learned that the stones are now cordioned off. So we will drive by Stonehenge and see what the crowds are like, and perhaps stop for a while. But our real destination is Avebury and to walk the circle of stones that encircle the town. To walk a circle of stones as we come full circle on our journey, on our pilgrimage of initiation, and complete our travels with 3 days in London.
We then head back to Colorado on Thursday! In the meantime, I am excited to share one of my favorite cities with Alea - and to go up the London Eye, walk the Silver Jubilee walk all around London (during which I got to look Warren Beatty in the eye filming a scene from "Reds" 28 years ago!), go to a show (perhaps "Wicked") and just take in the town. We are staying with my godfather, John Smith, who lives right in the center of the city so we will be able to walk and take the tube everywhere. I will be sure to write from London and let you know how it all is!
We head back to London today...and sadly have to give up our little rental car. We have loved this little car - I have gotten to drive on the left side of the road, shift gears with my left hand and really enjoy the little single country lanes that are carved out of the hedgerows.
Still wondering what the "Pilgrimage of Initiation" has been about for me...but the experience I have had in the past week or so is one of coming home and really feeling where I want to grow my roots.
I had mentioned in my last blog about my leaving here 27 years ago...in no way do I want what I wrote to be misconstrued. I have loved my last 27 years...and I am so blessed to be with Steve, our 4 wonderful children and to be living in Boulder, Colorado in our farmhouse with our community of family and friends nearby. My life is rich and full...and I am so grateful. My comment from the last blog was a reflection of how much I appreciate being in England and my being English...and that this is an aspect of me that cannot be ignored any longer. It is not that I wish these past years have unfolded in any way differently than they have. Not at all...now I just wish to bring all these relationships, people, and aspects of my life together into an integrated whole.
Perhaps this is what a pilgrimage is all about...to go on a physical journey in search of something, a spiritual truth, that actually has always existed within yourself. Yet it is the journey itself that is the catalyst for experiencing the Truth...that even though it is always already within, the journey provides the means to actually acknowledge, experience and embrace the truth that is within...and that for each of us, this truth is a different reflection on some deep inherent truth that we all share, yet we each get to - actually have to - experience in our own way, with our own slant on it.
And for me, for whatever reason, this journey has been about coming home...coming home to myself, to what is true and right for me...to accept and embrace all of who I am.
Not sure if I am making any sense...as I am literally processing as I type. I will continue to be with all of these thoughts and awarenesses, and see where they go and how they develop. But the thought of COMING HOME has been coming up quite a lot over this past week since my visit to Rosslyn Chapel a week ago. Was it really only a week ago? It seems like we have experienced lifetimes since our visit to Edinburgh last weekend.
It looks like it is going to be a beautiful day. We have the morning here with Diana and Andrew and family, and then we are off to meet Carol, an English friend who was living in Boulder and has just moved back to England, at Avebury - a circle of ancient stones that makes Stonehenge look small.
I had thought that I wanted to go to Stonehenge on the Solstice, which I did quite by accident 28 years ago. We got to go up to the stones as the Druids were completing their rituals and ceremonies. I had no idea at that time that it was the solstice, or that going up to the stones was anything special...I have since learned that the stones are now cordioned off. So we will drive by Stonehenge and see what the crowds are like, and perhaps stop for a while. But our real destination is Avebury and to walk the circle of stones that encircle the town. To walk a circle of stones as we come full circle on our journey, on our pilgrimage of initiation, and complete our travels with 3 days in London.
We then head back to Colorado on Thursday! In the meantime, I am excited to share one of my favorite cities with Alea - and to go up the London Eye, walk the Silver Jubilee walk all around London (during which I got to look Warren Beatty in the eye filming a scene from "Reds" 28 years ago!), go to a show (perhaps "Wicked") and just take in the town. We are staying with my godfather, John Smith, who lives right in the center of the city so we will be able to walk and take the tube everywhere. I will be sure to write from London and let you know how it all is!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Being in England - Coming Home
Hello from southern England...
I am staying with my cousin, Liz, and her husband, Jason, in a small town called Box about 6 miles east of Bath. They live with her younger brother, Churton, just up the hill from her younger sister, Georgie and her family. We arrived on Tuesday evening and have been able to just have time together, drinking tea, visiting Bath, going into Bristol today to see the house where my mother grew up and to take a lovely walk in Ashton Court, a wild park and golf course over the Suspension Bridge overlooking the city. I have also been able to spend time with my aunt, Shirley, a wonderful woman who is married to my mother's brother. I then got to spend time with George, my uncle and my godfather, who is full of stories and opinions that reveal a much richer side to my family and its history than you will hear anywhere else!
I love being with family and feeling my familial connection to these people. I cannot believe how long it has been since I have seen them and yet, despite how little time we have actually spent together, how many shared memories we have of our times together. Growing up in America meant that I never really knew my cousins except for our infrequent visits back here. We didn't grow up taking family holidays or just getting to be together, and I know that this has created a commitment on my brother's (Nick), sister's (Tori) and my part to make sure that our children, as first cousins, actually know each other and spend a lot of time together. Being here, I realize how much I have missed having extended family - from both my father's and my mother's sides - in my life.
The last time I was in England was 27 years ago...when I was picking up our rental car at the airport the other night, I was thinking about the last time that I was at Heathrow. I was flying back to the US after living and traveling over here for a year. If someone had told me that I would not return to England for 27 years, I certainly would not have believed them, and, if I had believed them, I really believe that I would not have left.
The longer I was not here, the more I "forgot" my connection to this country, its land and its people and to myself. I simply became American again when I returned to the States...but what I have been so deeply reminded in being here...no - it is more a feeling of having been RE-AWAKENED to is - that I am English through and through. I may sound American, I may have American habits and attitudes, but that is just the crust - the more external aspects of who I am.
The real me is English... the soft inner dough ( I am trying to find a way to stay with the bread metaphor here! Not sure if it is really working!!) is as British as my cousins are, as the soil is here, as the rain and the lushness, as the accents are! It has been quite the unexpected experience of this journey...
I knew that this time of being with family and friends after the pilgrimages was going to be a time of integration and reorganizing myself, but quite honestly, I did not expect this. This is the non-rational, unpredictable experience...perhaps this is the alchemy of all of what I have experience and been preparing for the first 3 weeks of my travels - that this was a journey to come home, and for me, coming home is being in England and fully acknowledging and honoring the English in me.
I feel as though I have come home...and I felt it from the first moment I stepped foot on English soil. I told myself to be patient, that I had not even interacted with the people yet, and so many people have told me how much it has changed over here. I have now been here a week, and feel this sense of being "home" even more strongly and clearly than when I first arrived.
We are all going out to dinner to a local pub, The King's Arms, in Monkton Farleigh, a tiny village 3 miles from here that overlooks Bath. So must go and freshen up...
I am staying with my cousin, Liz, and her husband, Jason, in a small town called Box about 6 miles east of Bath. They live with her younger brother, Churton, just up the hill from her younger sister, Georgie and her family. We arrived on Tuesday evening and have been able to just have time together, drinking tea, visiting Bath, going into Bristol today to see the house where my mother grew up and to take a lovely walk in Ashton Court, a wild park and golf course over the Suspension Bridge overlooking the city. I have also been able to spend time with my aunt, Shirley, a wonderful woman who is married to my mother's brother. I then got to spend time with George, my uncle and my godfather, who is full of stories and opinions that reveal a much richer side to my family and its history than you will hear anywhere else!
I love being with family and feeling my familial connection to these people. I cannot believe how long it has been since I have seen them and yet, despite how little time we have actually spent together, how many shared memories we have of our times together. Growing up in America meant that I never really knew my cousins except for our infrequent visits back here. We didn't grow up taking family holidays or just getting to be together, and I know that this has created a commitment on my brother's (Nick), sister's (Tori) and my part to make sure that our children, as first cousins, actually know each other and spend a lot of time together. Being here, I realize how much I have missed having extended family - from both my father's and my mother's sides - in my life.
The last time I was in England was 27 years ago...when I was picking up our rental car at the airport the other night, I was thinking about the last time that I was at Heathrow. I was flying back to the US after living and traveling over here for a year. If someone had told me that I would not return to England for 27 years, I certainly would not have believed them, and, if I had believed them, I really believe that I would not have left.
The longer I was not here, the more I "forgot" my connection to this country, its land and its people and to myself. I simply became American again when I returned to the States...but what I have been so deeply reminded in being here...no - it is more a feeling of having been RE-AWAKENED to is - that I am English through and through. I may sound American, I may have American habits and attitudes, but that is just the crust - the more external aspects of who I am.
The real me is English... the soft inner dough ( I am trying to find a way to stay with the bread metaphor here! Not sure if it is really working!!) is as British as my cousins are, as the soil is here, as the rain and the lushness, as the accents are! It has been quite the unexpected experience of this journey...
I knew that this time of being with family and friends after the pilgrimages was going to be a time of integration and reorganizing myself, but quite honestly, I did not expect this. This is the non-rational, unpredictable experience...perhaps this is the alchemy of all of what I have experience and been preparing for the first 3 weeks of my travels - that this was a journey to come home, and for me, coming home is being in England and fully acknowledging and honoring the English in me.
I feel as though I have come home...and I felt it from the first moment I stepped foot on English soil. I told myself to be patient, that I had not even interacted with the people yet, and so many people have told me how much it has changed over here. I have now been here a week, and feel this sense of being "home" even more strongly and clearly than when I first arrived.
We are all going out to dinner to a local pub, The King's Arms, in Monkton Farleigh, a tiny village 3 miles from here that overlooks Bath. So must go and freshen up...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Pilgrimage Continues
Since I last wrote, Alea and I have been to the Orleans Cathedral, the Chartres Cathedral, and today we visited Notre Dame in Paris. I have to have a least a day for each sacred site - to visit the site, to process and integrate the experience, and then to journal and become conscious of what the experience and initiation was all about.
I think that I already mentioned that I don't really know what the experience is about as I am experiencing it! I really have to trust that it is all perfect and that whatever I experience is what I am here to receive. And so far, I really don't know until I wake up the next morning and am journaling. Only then do the threads reveal themselves and the opening occurs.
Quite the experience for me.
The other aspect of this journey is that it has become intensely personal and I am not sure how to share it here. There are so many different people reading this, and from all perpectives and belief systems and I am aware that I feel nervous to expose my journey, both at the risk of exposing myself and at the risk of confronting and challenging belief systems, especially religious ones.
At this point, what I am willing to share is that at each and every site, I have experienced a profound opening and learning. I feel as though I am being initiated...into what I really do not know, but something is happening that is bigger than me. Every step is being guided - on so many levels all I can do is feel grateful. Like yesterday, we left the Chartres Cathedral to head to the train station to head back into Paris. We, of course, forgot to look at the train schedule when we arrived, and we both trusted it would all work out perfectly. And yes, it did. We got to the station with a train leaving for Paris in 8 minutes. Perfect...things keep happening like this for us. And we just give a happy thanks.
Today, we had gone into Notre Dame and knew that it didn't feel right. I was overwhelmed by the huge numbers of people in the cathedral, and couldn't find my bearings to know even where to go or to begin. Begin what? Just finding where to go in the cathedral.
So Alea and I came back to our room (which is right across the street, right? How convenient!) and looked up some information in one of our books. It had talked about a carving on the main facade that we had not been able to find. Going back, Alea found it immediately - just below eye level in the center of the main doors of this facade, smiling at us!
It was one of the carvings representing the medieval sciences, this one being "Alchemy." It was of a woman seated on a throne with her head touching the clouds, with 2 books in her hand, one open to represent the exoteric path of mainstream Christianity, and the other closed, representing the esoteric, or heretical path, to illumination. Seeing this carving prepared us for entering this beautiful cathedral, and created the container for our experience.
I am a "Financial Alchemist" through my specific coaching training that I received just over a year ago. Am I being initiated into "spiritual alchemy" and if so, what does that even mean? Right now, I still cannot make sense of it, but as I mentioned earlier, something bigger than me is opening up and occurring. I just have to stay open and keep taking the next step...
The Internet shop is about to close...not sure if any of this makes sense or not, but these are my musings at 11pm on our last night in Paris...
Will write again soon. Much love to you all...
I think that I already mentioned that I don't really know what the experience is about as I am experiencing it! I really have to trust that it is all perfect and that whatever I experience is what I am here to receive. And so far, I really don't know until I wake up the next morning and am journaling. Only then do the threads reveal themselves and the opening occurs.
Quite the experience for me.
The other aspect of this journey is that it has become intensely personal and I am not sure how to share it here. There are so many different people reading this, and from all perpectives and belief systems and I am aware that I feel nervous to expose my journey, both at the risk of exposing myself and at the risk of confronting and challenging belief systems, especially religious ones.
At this point, what I am willing to share is that at each and every site, I have experienced a profound opening and learning. I feel as though I am being initiated...into what I really do not know, but something is happening that is bigger than me. Every step is being guided - on so many levels all I can do is feel grateful. Like yesterday, we left the Chartres Cathedral to head to the train station to head back into Paris. We, of course, forgot to look at the train schedule when we arrived, and we both trusted it would all work out perfectly. And yes, it did. We got to the station with a train leaving for Paris in 8 minutes. Perfect...things keep happening like this for us. And we just give a happy thanks.
Today, we had gone into Notre Dame and knew that it didn't feel right. I was overwhelmed by the huge numbers of people in the cathedral, and couldn't find my bearings to know even where to go or to begin. Begin what? Just finding where to go in the cathedral.
So Alea and I came back to our room (which is right across the street, right? How convenient!) and looked up some information in one of our books. It had talked about a carving on the main facade that we had not been able to find. Going back, Alea found it immediately - just below eye level in the center of the main doors of this facade, smiling at us!
It was one of the carvings representing the medieval sciences, this one being "Alchemy." It was of a woman seated on a throne with her head touching the clouds, with 2 books in her hand, one open to represent the exoteric path of mainstream Christianity, and the other closed, representing the esoteric, or heretical path, to illumination. Seeing this carving prepared us for entering this beautiful cathedral, and created the container for our experience.
I am a "Financial Alchemist" through my specific coaching training that I received just over a year ago. Am I being initiated into "spiritual alchemy" and if so, what does that even mean? Right now, I still cannot make sense of it, but as I mentioned earlier, something bigger than me is opening up and occurring. I just have to stay open and keep taking the next step...
The Internet shop is about to close...not sure if any of this makes sense or not, but these are my musings at 11pm on our last night in Paris...
Will write again soon. Much love to you all...
Paris - the City of Lights and Rain!
We found a little internet store right by our hotel, so here we are both using a computer with an American keyboard. Bet you may not have even known that there is a difference...we found out in Orleans that there is. The French must use a lot more "q"s than we do and more "m"s - so confusing on the fingers and the brain to have your keyboard revised!
We have had a great day today - getting to be in Notre Dame - which is right across the street from our little Bohemian hotel, the Esmeralda. We have a view of the cathedral on the left side of our window. I love staying down here - everything is so close and we have walked just about everywhere.
After Notre Dame, we walked to the Musee d'Orsay which has a beautiful collection of Impressionist art. We loved being there and I loved getting to share with Alea some of my knowledge of art history. She had asked me earlier in the week if I had any regrets, and really the only one that I could even consider is that I did not major in Art History in college, or choose to do a post-graduate study in it. I love it...in her asking me this question, I wondered, how might my life have been different if I had majored in Art History like my heart was telling me to choose? Funny that I ended up as an Economics major instead! I still joke that I was probably the most un-economic of Economics majors to have ever graduated from Middlebury!!
After the Orsay, we had a French tea of a plate of assorted cheeses. I was silly enough to ask if bread came with that. I am realizing that delicious French bread comes with everything at every meal here in France! The rain let up while we ate, so we then walked over to the Louvre and saw the IM Pei Pyramid. Wow!! We both loved it - it is a masterpiece in and of itself, especially how they used the space underneath to connect all of the Louvre. Funny, but all we really wanted to see was the Pyramid. So we left, and of course again it was pouring with rain. But we decided to walk back to the Latin Quarter in the rain...it was so much fun! We were definitely soaked by the time we got back to our hotel room, but what a great way to experience Paris...in the rain, walking along the Seine. This is such a magical city...we both love it!
Tomorrow we leave Paris and head to Amiens for the 6th sacred site of our pilgrimage. (I am going to write a separate post about the pilgrimage.) And then we get on the Chunnel train in the afternoon to head to England. We get to spend the night with my aunt, my father's 86 year old sister whom I love. I am so looking forward to seeing her and my cousins, Karen and Bruce. I haven't seen any of them in over 25 years - way too long. From there we head up to Scotland to meet Elaine Pascal and her daughters for the 7th and final site of our pilgrimage, the Rosslyn Chapel. I would love to stay in France longer, and I am so looking forward to returning to England...I feel as though I am going home.
We have had a great day today - getting to be in Notre Dame - which is right across the street from our little Bohemian hotel, the Esmeralda. We have a view of the cathedral on the left side of our window. I love staying down here - everything is so close and we have walked just about everywhere.
After Notre Dame, we walked to the Musee d'Orsay which has a beautiful collection of Impressionist art. We loved being there and I loved getting to share with Alea some of my knowledge of art history. She had asked me earlier in the week if I had any regrets, and really the only one that I could even consider is that I did not major in Art History in college, or choose to do a post-graduate study in it. I love it...in her asking me this question, I wondered, how might my life have been different if I had majored in Art History like my heart was telling me to choose? Funny that I ended up as an Economics major instead! I still joke that I was probably the most un-economic of Economics majors to have ever graduated from Middlebury!!
After the Orsay, we had a French tea of a plate of assorted cheeses. I was silly enough to ask if bread came with that. I am realizing that delicious French bread comes with everything at every meal here in France! The rain let up while we ate, so we then walked over to the Louvre and saw the IM Pei Pyramid. Wow!! We both loved it - it is a masterpiece in and of itself, especially how they used the space underneath to connect all of the Louvre. Funny, but all we really wanted to see was the Pyramid. So we left, and of course again it was pouring with rain. But we decided to walk back to the Latin Quarter in the rain...it was so much fun! We were definitely soaked by the time we got back to our hotel room, but what a great way to experience Paris...in the rain, walking along the Seine. This is such a magical city...we both love it!
Tomorrow we leave Paris and head to Amiens for the 6th sacred site of our pilgrimage. (I am going to write a separate post about the pilgrimage.) And then we get on the Chunnel train in the afternoon to head to England. We get to spend the night with my aunt, my father's 86 year old sister whom I love. I am so looking forward to seeing her and my cousins, Karen and Bruce. I haven't seen any of them in over 25 years - way too long. From there we head up to Scotland to meet Elaine Pascal and her daughters for the 7th and final site of our pilgrimage, the Rosslyn Chapel. I would love to stay in France longer, and I am so looking forward to returning to England...I feel as though I am going home.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The Journey Continues
We arrived in Orléans last night after a 5 hour train ride. We had breakfast in the hotel - Alea delighted in a5 kilo jar of Nutella! I so wish that I could figure out how to translate pictures from either my phone or the camera - I have a picture of a very happy Alea with her croissant and giant jar of Nutella!!!
As we journeyed to Orléans, I had an opportunity to journal and reflect on my experience in Toulouse. As I experience each of these sacred sites, I am not always sure of exactly what I am experiencing. And then I get a chance to reflect and journal, and it becomes clear. Quite a journey of trust and faith.
(By the way, the keyboard keys are different here: the¨"a" key is a "q"; the "m" and the ";" are transposed plus a few others, so there mqy be a few typos...sorry)
The lessons from Toulouse have been wonderful...and on one hand, very unexpected, and on the other, totally appropriate and the feeling of "of course."
What I experienced and have come to understand is that I both get to and have to "own" and accept my deep desires, whatever they are. Sometimes they are easy and okay to accept; sometimes they do not fit into place or category that I find acceptable. No matter...my task is to accept and embrace them, for they are my guideposts for my Soul's unique and divine journey.
On the Camino, we were guided by yellow arrows. They were painted on the streets, on the old stone homes we passed, on the pavements and sidewalks, and as we got closer to Santiago, they were on more modern signpost. These yellow arrows guided and directed me. I followed the Camino, the way, and found my way to Santiago because I was willing to trust, accept and follow these arrows. In the same way, my deeply held desires - from my gut, my belly, my core - are my yellow arrows.
I must trust them;, embrace them to find and follow my way along my path of life. These desires are the cues and inner impulses that connect me to my heart and to my Soul's desires. And, when I follow my Soul's desires, I am aligned with God's desires and plan for me.
As we journeyed to Orléans, I had an opportunity to journal and reflect on my experience in Toulouse. As I experience each of these sacred sites, I am not always sure of exactly what I am experiencing. And then I get a chance to reflect and journal, and it becomes clear. Quite a journey of trust and faith.
(By the way, the keyboard keys are different here: the¨"a" key is a "q"; the "m" and the ";" are transposed plus a few others, so there mqy be a few typos...sorry)
The lessons from Toulouse have been wonderful...and on one hand, very unexpected, and on the other, totally appropriate and the feeling of "of course."
What I experienced and have come to understand is that I both get to and have to "own" and accept my deep desires, whatever they are. Sometimes they are easy and okay to accept; sometimes they do not fit into place or category that I find acceptable. No matter...my task is to accept and embrace them, for they are my guideposts for my Soul's unique and divine journey.
On the Camino, we were guided by yellow arrows. They were painted on the streets, on the old stone homes we passed, on the pavements and sidewalks, and as we got closer to Santiago, they were on more modern signpost. These yellow arrows guided and directed me. I followed the Camino, the way, and found my way to Santiago because I was willing to trust, accept and follow these arrows. In the same way, my deeply held desires - from my gut, my belly, my core - are my yellow arrows.
I must trust them;, embrace them to find and follow my way along my path of life. These desires are the cues and inner impulses that connect me to my heart and to my Soul's desires. And, when I follow my Soul's desires, I am aligned with God's desires and plan for me.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Second Step of the Celtic Camino - Toulouse
Alea, my 15 year old daughter arrived in Madrid on Thursday and we went straight to Barcelona. What a wonderful city! We spent Friday just walking around everywhere, seeing the La Sagrada Familia cathedral from the outside (it was so crowded with tourists that we didn't even want to wait in line for tickets), the Arc de Triomf made of red brick, to the Mediterranean Sea, where Alea got her feet and legs wet and found beautiful sea glass. We then took the metro up to the Guell Jardins which are gardens designed by the avant garde architect Guell on land on top of a big hill overlooking the city. Full of plants and views, with areas made of beautiful mosaic designs in vivid bright colors. We even were in the middle of a downpour of rain which sent most people away, so we had the area to ourselves plus discovered places we wouldn't have seen otherwise. We then went back to our room for a siesta, before meeting my Camino buddies, Paul and Wendy from Toronto, in La Rambla part of town, a lively area filled with markets and fruit and flower stands. It was so good to spend the evening with them and share our Camino experiences with Alea in a quiet restaurant sitting outside by a enclosed courtyard area.
The next day we left early for Toulouse and arrived in the early afternoon. After a nap, we walked to find the Eglise/Church of the Notre Dame de Deblade. We found it easily as we wove through old streets filled with people, restaurants, cafes, beautiful stores, and lively French chatter all around us. I realized that I love being in France and hearing the French language. I may only understand every 10 words, but it feels more familiar and accessible for me. I love being here!
The eglise Notre Dame de Deblade is beautiful and simple. I loved it. We happened to get there about 20 minutes before the Saturday evening mass, so we had a little time to just be in there before other people showed up. There is a beautiful rose like stained glass window at the front of the church that was radiating the afternoon sun into the church...magical as the brilliant colors moved on the floor of the church. I saw images of Mary Magdalene; I heard a mass in French that I felt like I received with my heart rather than my head; I saw an image of a peacock's tail in the metal gates behind the altar; I felt peaceful in this beautiful cathedral; and I just wanted to stay and soak in the energy of this beautiful place.
We came back today after a great walk across the River Garonne and the Pont (Bridge) Neuf, along the park by the river, and then back along the river until we walked up some very old steps to the cathedral. Unfortunately, the cathedral was not open this time...we arrived too late after the morning masses. And I must trust this, and be so grateful that we were here, and that we got to go inside yesterday afternoon with the beautiful afternoon light coming in through the window.
It was a blessed time to be there, and I realize had we come to Toulouse during the week, we could not have gotten inside. I realize that once again I have been guided to be here at the right time. The other sacred sites/cathedrals that we are visiting are bigger and more popular spots, so I don't think that we will have any trouble getting to go inside.
Well, time to go to the train station and be on our way to Orleans!
love,
Sarah
The next day we left early for Toulouse and arrived in the early afternoon. After a nap, we walked to find the Eglise/Church of the Notre Dame de Deblade. We found it easily as we wove through old streets filled with people, restaurants, cafes, beautiful stores, and lively French chatter all around us. I realized that I love being in France and hearing the French language. I may only understand every 10 words, but it feels more familiar and accessible for me. I love being here!
The eglise Notre Dame de Deblade is beautiful and simple. I loved it. We happened to get there about 20 minutes before the Saturday evening mass, so we had a little time to just be in there before other people showed up. There is a beautiful rose like stained glass window at the front of the church that was radiating the afternoon sun into the church...magical as the brilliant colors moved on the floor of the church. I saw images of Mary Magdalene; I heard a mass in French that I felt like I received with my heart rather than my head; I saw an image of a peacock's tail in the metal gates behind the altar; I felt peaceful in this beautiful cathedral; and I just wanted to stay and soak in the energy of this beautiful place.
We came back today after a great walk across the River Garonne and the Pont (Bridge) Neuf, along the park by the river, and then back along the river until we walked up some very old steps to the cathedral. Unfortunately, the cathedral was not open this time...we arrived too late after the morning masses. And I must trust this, and be so grateful that we were here, and that we got to go inside yesterday afternoon with the beautiful afternoon light coming in through the window.
It was a blessed time to be there, and I realize had we come to Toulouse during the week, we could not have gotten inside. I realize that once again I have been guided to be here at the right time. The other sacred sites/cathedrals that we are visiting are bigger and more popular spots, so I don't think that we will have any trouble getting to go inside.
Well, time to go to the train station and be on our way to Orleans!
love,
Sarah
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Celtic Camino Begins
As one journey ends, another begins. I have been in the middle of a transition ever since walking into Santiago.
I was given the name of the second part of my journey by Luiza, an Australian living in Texas who has a list serve on the Camino and who we ran into on about Day5 in a little town whose name I can´t remember and I don´t have the Camino book with me right now to look up the name. She knew the book ¨Rosslyn¨that inspired this next journey and called it the Celtic Camino. I love the name and resonated with it, so now I call my journey the Celtic Camino as well.
The Celtic Camino includes seven sacred sites that serve as stations on this rite of initiation, a passage of sorts where I will travel up the seven chakras and oracles through France to the Rosslyn Chapel near Edinburgh in Scotland. I have not been sure of what to expect, and so have had no expectations other than knowing that this is the journey I have been preparing for. Even the Camino, every step of every 170 kilometers, was a step of preparation for what I will experience and receive on this journey. I am prepared to receive.
Each of the sites sits on a pre-Christian site that relates to a Roman oracle such as Jupiter, Mercury, and also also related to a chakra. Santiago is the base chakra, the root chrakra that sits at the base of our spine. It reflects issues of connected and relatedness, being part of a tribe or a group, and our sense of connectedness.
Also, each of these sites now has a cathedral or chapel that reflects in its architecture and symbolism the information of each site´s special and unique energy. I will share more as I experience each site and place. I have just been reunited with ¨Rosslyn¨the book as I had shipped it from Samos to Santiago and have just retrieved it from the post office. So I will share more of this information regarding Santiago when I have had a chance to look at it again.
Anyway, look at how my experiences here in Santiago (which I related in the previous blog) are directly connected to the first chakra issues of the Celtic Camino´s first sacred site. This is the magic and healing of my being here and having started my Celtic Camino journey. I am not surprised by my experiences here, but I really had no idea what was going to show up or how it would look or feel. The Camino guides and provides once again. I am so grateful and so blessed.
I will write more again soon. I must go now and get ready to leave tonight and eat with my Camino group before we all begin to disperse this evening. Much love to you all...
I was given the name of the second part of my journey by Luiza, an Australian living in Texas who has a list serve on the Camino and who we ran into on about Day5 in a little town whose name I can´t remember and I don´t have the Camino book with me right now to look up the name. She knew the book ¨Rosslyn¨that inspired this next journey and called it the Celtic Camino. I love the name and resonated with it, so now I call my journey the Celtic Camino as well.
The Celtic Camino includes seven sacred sites that serve as stations on this rite of initiation, a passage of sorts where I will travel up the seven chakras and oracles through France to the Rosslyn Chapel near Edinburgh in Scotland. I have not been sure of what to expect, and so have had no expectations other than knowing that this is the journey I have been preparing for. Even the Camino, every step of every 170 kilometers, was a step of preparation for what I will experience and receive on this journey. I am prepared to receive.
Each of the sites sits on a pre-Christian site that relates to a Roman oracle such as Jupiter, Mercury, and also also related to a chakra. Santiago is the base chakra, the root chrakra that sits at the base of our spine. It reflects issues of connected and relatedness, being part of a tribe or a group, and our sense of connectedness.
Also, each of these sites now has a cathedral or chapel that reflects in its architecture and symbolism the information of each site´s special and unique energy. I will share more as I experience each site and place. I have just been reunited with ¨Rosslyn¨the book as I had shipped it from Samos to Santiago and have just retrieved it from the post office. So I will share more of this information regarding Santiago when I have had a chance to look at it again.
Anyway, look at how my experiences here in Santiago (which I related in the previous blog) are directly connected to the first chakra issues of the Celtic Camino´s first sacred site. This is the magic and healing of my being here and having started my Celtic Camino journey. I am not surprised by my experiences here, but I really had no idea what was going to show up or how it would look or feel. The Camino guides and provides once again. I am so grateful and so blessed.
I will write more again soon. I must go now and get ready to leave tonight and eat with my Camino group before we all begin to disperse this evening. Much love to you all...
Santiago - the End of One Journey and the Beginning of Another
I have now been in Santiago for 2 days, and feel like I know my way around. And even though I have arrived, the journey continues.
At Mount Gozo, I decided to walk into Santiago on my own without the group. I gave myself permission to do this because several kilometers earlier, Linda had clearly stated that she wanted to walk in by herself. That gave me the opening to really be clear about what I wanted also. I had just thought that of course I would walk in with every one else.
All along we had walked together as a group. By that I mean we would walk together, alone, in different pairs and sometimes trios. Our walk was like a dance. We never knew what the configuration would look like. Sometimes I walked with Vanda, a beautiful 39 year old woman from Toronto of Portuguese descent. She was our translator on the journey, speaking enough Spanish to help us in many situations. Sometimes I walked with Paul, a 50 year old who was challenged with significant blisters for just about every kilometer of the camino. One morning in particular when I walked with him, I was sure to keep his focus on anything but his feet as we walked 4 or 5 kilometers. So I learned all about one of his favorites sports, curling - something I knew nothing about. I now want to find out about it and if it exists in Colorado yet!
I also walked with Wendy, Paul´s wife. I had brought an umbrella on one author´s suggestion. I brought it for Wendy as she was very challenged by the sunshine and intense heat. Her nickname became ¨Mary Poppins¨as she walked kilometer after kilometer with her purple umbrella that she snapped open with a flick of the wrist.
And then there was dear Linda. Linda brought ¨snail¨energy with her to walk the Camino. She had one speed - slow - and she walked at this speed ¨easily, joyfully, lovingly and gracefully.¨ She sang these words up every hill and down every hill and now brings them home with her. I loved my times with Linda. She listened, she shared, she has seen in me my light and my love and has only encouraged me to share it more. What a true gift she is. I feel as though I came on this Camino with this group to get to know her and have her become part of my life.
And then of course, there is Sue, the beautiful leader of our group. She guided us with wisdom, compassion, joy, laughter and trust. And in turn, we came to trust not only ourselves, but also the Camino. The Camino guided us and we trusted it as we were still walking at 8pm with no place to stay. We learned to trust that the Camino would take care of and provide for us...and it did, every step of the way.
We also experienced the art of ¨brinksmanship¨from Sue - the art of totally trusting that what you need and want to happen - will happen, even when you have no idea how or when. Sue provided us with so many opportunities to experience this first hand. It is a whole other level of living with trust, from trust, in trust. I am so grateful for being with Sue and experiencing who she was with us as we walked the Camino.
The big lesson for me in Santiago has been that even though I chose to walk into Santiago by myself, I was never separate from the group. It may have looked like I separated, and even felt like it. As I walked the long, hot walk through the city into the inner old city where the cathedral is located, I felt sad. I now realize that I felt as though I had separated and done something selfishly. Now, I realize that I followed my true inner impulse and did what was right for me, AND that I was still very much a part of the group. I just happened to walk in by myself. To experience the completion of my Camino with and by myself, only to hook back up with the group at our hotel, Casa Felice, within a few hours.
There is obviously so much to share, and I have barely scratched the surface. I will write some more shortly. Let me take a break and come back. I am at an Internet cafe right near the Cathedral, so after a break I will come back and share more.
At Mount Gozo, I decided to walk into Santiago on my own without the group. I gave myself permission to do this because several kilometers earlier, Linda had clearly stated that she wanted to walk in by herself. That gave me the opening to really be clear about what I wanted also. I had just thought that of course I would walk in with every one else.
All along we had walked together as a group. By that I mean we would walk together, alone, in different pairs and sometimes trios. Our walk was like a dance. We never knew what the configuration would look like. Sometimes I walked with Vanda, a beautiful 39 year old woman from Toronto of Portuguese descent. She was our translator on the journey, speaking enough Spanish to help us in many situations. Sometimes I walked with Paul, a 50 year old who was challenged with significant blisters for just about every kilometer of the camino. One morning in particular when I walked with him, I was sure to keep his focus on anything but his feet as we walked 4 or 5 kilometers. So I learned all about one of his favorites sports, curling - something I knew nothing about. I now want to find out about it and if it exists in Colorado yet!
I also walked with Wendy, Paul´s wife. I had brought an umbrella on one author´s suggestion. I brought it for Wendy as she was very challenged by the sunshine and intense heat. Her nickname became ¨Mary Poppins¨as she walked kilometer after kilometer with her purple umbrella that she snapped open with a flick of the wrist.
And then there was dear Linda. Linda brought ¨snail¨energy with her to walk the Camino. She had one speed - slow - and she walked at this speed ¨easily, joyfully, lovingly and gracefully.¨ She sang these words up every hill and down every hill and now brings them home with her. I loved my times with Linda. She listened, she shared, she has seen in me my light and my love and has only encouraged me to share it more. What a true gift she is. I feel as though I came on this Camino with this group to get to know her and have her become part of my life.
And then of course, there is Sue, the beautiful leader of our group. She guided us with wisdom, compassion, joy, laughter and trust. And in turn, we came to trust not only ourselves, but also the Camino. The Camino guided us and we trusted it as we were still walking at 8pm with no place to stay. We learned to trust that the Camino would take care of and provide for us...and it did, every step of the way.
We also experienced the art of ¨brinksmanship¨from Sue - the art of totally trusting that what you need and want to happen - will happen, even when you have no idea how or when. Sue provided us with so many opportunities to experience this first hand. It is a whole other level of living with trust, from trust, in trust. I am so grateful for being with Sue and experiencing who she was with us as we walked the Camino.
The big lesson for me in Santiago has been that even though I chose to walk into Santiago by myself, I was never separate from the group. It may have looked like I separated, and even felt like it. As I walked the long, hot walk through the city into the inner old city where the cathedral is located, I felt sad. I now realize that I felt as though I had separated and done something selfishly. Now, I realize that I followed my true inner impulse and did what was right for me, AND that I was still very much a part of the group. I just happened to walk in by myself. To experience the completion of my Camino with and by myself, only to hook back up with the group at our hotel, Casa Felice, within a few hours.
There is obviously so much to share, and I have barely scratched the surface. I will write some more shortly. Let me take a break and come back. I am at an Internet cafe right near the Cathedral, so after a break I will come back and share more.
Monday, June 1, 2009
I AM HERE IN SANTIAGO
It must be about 3pm. I arrived a couple of hours ago. The cathedral is magnificent ; the old part if the city is beautiful and busy with tourists and locals alike. Not sure what I am feeling. Actually, I am aware o the paradox - the joy of having arrived and the sadness that the Camino is over. Will write more soon.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Today We Walk into Santiago - Day 9
We are up early and now are waiting for a taxi to take us back to the place we walked to yesterday afternoon! Taxi? Yes, a taxi. Yesterday in extreme heat we walked 4.2k beyond the town of Arca where we had intended to stay. It´s the last place before Santiago with any albergues or refugios. So we came back and had a great night of resting and sleeping.
So today we go back to our shady little rest spot where we figured out what we had done, and start again. Maybe I will find my sunglasses that I somehow missplaced there.
It is very bittersweet to be completing our Camino today. But like childbirth, truly this is just the beginning. An ending of walking the Camino, and a beginning of life with the Camino in me, under my feet.
By the time we finish today, we will have walked 168 kilometers. Pretty amazing, eh? And while it has been challenging at times, hot, cold, flat, hilly - all of the above, we have all done it. All 6 of us. My great group from Canada - Sue Kenney (see www.suekenney.ca), Linda, Vanda, Wendy and Paul. I know that I have not shared much about them - I will more later. They are wonderful and it has been the perfect group to walk with. We have created our own Camino. Other pilgrims get up at 6am; we get up at 7 or so, and have cafe con leches and bread before we even start, and then walk until 8pm. It has worked for us.
And today we are up early so that maybe we can arrive in Santiago by noon and go to the noon Pilgrim´s Mass at the Cathedral. We will see. If we do, we do. If not, we go tomorrow.
Must go...
xo
So today we go back to our shady little rest spot where we figured out what we had done, and start again. Maybe I will find my sunglasses that I somehow missplaced there.
It is very bittersweet to be completing our Camino today. But like childbirth, truly this is just the beginning. An ending of walking the Camino, and a beginning of life with the Camino in me, under my feet.
By the time we finish today, we will have walked 168 kilometers. Pretty amazing, eh? And while it has been challenging at times, hot, cold, flat, hilly - all of the above, we have all done it. All 6 of us. My great group from Canada - Sue Kenney (see www.suekenney.ca), Linda, Vanda, Wendy and Paul. I know that I have not shared much about them - I will more later. They are wonderful and it has been the perfect group to walk with. We have created our own Camino. Other pilgrims get up at 6am; we get up at 7 or so, and have cafe con leches and bread before we even start, and then walk until 8pm. It has worked for us.
And today we are up early so that maybe we can arrive in Santiago by noon and go to the noon Pilgrim´s Mass at the Cathedral. We will see. If we do, we do. If not, we go tomorrow.
Must go...
xo
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Day 8 Begins!
Good morning! I actually have a chance to write as I am ready and rather than just wait, I remembered that we have Internet access here. We are in Arzua, just about 42 kilometers from Santiago. We have walked over 120 kilometers over that past 7 days...
We have walked through mist, rain, cold, heat, sun, shade - over mountains, through river valleys, up and down rolling hills and along some highways. We are in the area called Galithia - I am not sure if I have spelled it correctly, that is known for it sausage, Caldo soup (made with ham and kale), a delicious white wine that we had yesterday for lunch with ¨polpos¨ - octopus -in Melide. I have some great pictures of the woman taking 2 octopuses out of a huge pan filled with them and then snipping the legs up into bite size pieces and heavily drizzling them in olive oil. And, they were delicious.
Yesterday afternoon I got to really own being a ¨peligrina¨ or pilgrim. In the late afternoon, after we stopped for ice cream and got our 2nd pilgrim stamp of the day in our passport book, I took off thinking that I was following Vanda, our young (40 year old) and fastest walker. While I thought that she was really cruising, I thought that as long as she was ahead, then I would just keep on going. So I just kept on going. I found my own speed, my own rhythm and for 6 or 7 kilometers I just moved, sang my way up the big hills, delighted in the scenery, marveled (again) that I am actually walking the Camino, and walked, and walked. I was in my own space, in my own heart, in my own walk.
I am a pilgrim. I am a pelegrina.
I arrived in Ribadiso, a sweet little hamlet down by the river Iso, only to find that Vanda was not there. Oh. I guess she wasn´t ahead of me after all. So, I knew I had a little while before the others arrived. I called home as I had been looking for a phone at around 4-5pm for the past couple of days. We are 8 hours ahead of Colorado here. I got to talk with Alea and Michael which was so wonderful. Great to hear their voices and be with them over the phone and to hear about the end of school. I then got myself a large cold beer and sat down in a very visible spot. I got my journal out to start remembering the day. I was totally happy, totally content, and feeling so much gratitude and awe at this journey called the El Camino de Santiago.
I am a pilgrim. I am a pelegrina.
We arrive in Santiago tomorrow. While I am excited that we will be arriving, I am sad because this journey is going so fast.
I love getting up, walking, eating, laughing, sweating, walking, drinking, resting, walking, meeting other pilgrims. We keep meeting up with a group I call the Canadian Quartet, even though there is one Aussie in the group. A group of delightful women in their mid 50´s who have walked the whole thing and who met us literally as we took our first steps in Vega de Valcarce. And it turns out that Judy is walking because of Sue Kenney, with whom I am walking and who wrote ¨My Camino¨. They are all from Toronto.
What a gift. What a blessing. What a journey. What a path. I am so blessed. Thank you to all of you for your love, support and encouragement. Because of you, I am here.
Today we walk. And it is time to go.
Buen Camino.
We have walked through mist, rain, cold, heat, sun, shade - over mountains, through river valleys, up and down rolling hills and along some highways. We are in the area called Galithia - I am not sure if I have spelled it correctly, that is known for it sausage, Caldo soup (made with ham and kale), a delicious white wine that we had yesterday for lunch with ¨polpos¨ - octopus -in Melide. I have some great pictures of the woman taking 2 octopuses out of a huge pan filled with them and then snipping the legs up into bite size pieces and heavily drizzling them in olive oil. And, they were delicious.
Yesterday afternoon I got to really own being a ¨peligrina¨ or pilgrim. In the late afternoon, after we stopped for ice cream and got our 2nd pilgrim stamp of the day in our passport book, I took off thinking that I was following Vanda, our young (40 year old) and fastest walker. While I thought that she was really cruising, I thought that as long as she was ahead, then I would just keep on going. So I just kept on going. I found my own speed, my own rhythm and for 6 or 7 kilometers I just moved, sang my way up the big hills, delighted in the scenery, marveled (again) that I am actually walking the Camino, and walked, and walked. I was in my own space, in my own heart, in my own walk.
I am a pilgrim. I am a pelegrina.
I arrived in Ribadiso, a sweet little hamlet down by the river Iso, only to find that Vanda was not there. Oh. I guess she wasn´t ahead of me after all. So, I knew I had a little while before the others arrived. I called home as I had been looking for a phone at around 4-5pm for the past couple of days. We are 8 hours ahead of Colorado here. I got to talk with Alea and Michael which was so wonderful. Great to hear their voices and be with them over the phone and to hear about the end of school. I then got myself a large cold beer and sat down in a very visible spot. I got my journal out to start remembering the day. I was totally happy, totally content, and feeling so much gratitude and awe at this journey called the El Camino de Santiago.
I am a pilgrim. I am a pelegrina.
We arrive in Santiago tomorrow. While I am excited that we will be arriving, I am sad because this journey is going so fast.
I love getting up, walking, eating, laughing, sweating, walking, drinking, resting, walking, meeting other pilgrims. We keep meeting up with a group I call the Canadian Quartet, even though there is one Aussie in the group. A group of delightful women in their mid 50´s who have walked the whole thing and who met us literally as we took our first steps in Vega de Valcarce. And it turns out that Judy is walking because of Sue Kenney, with whom I am walking and who wrote ¨My Camino¨. They are all from Toronto.
What a gift. What a blessing. What a journey. What a path. I am so blessed. Thank you to all of you for your love, support and encouragement. Because of you, I am here.
Today we walk. And it is time to go.
Buen Camino.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Day 6 on the Camino
Leaving Vega de Valcarce feels like lifetimes ago...we have walked over half way and right now we are in a small village that actually has internet called Eirexe. We stayed last night in a great albergue with a room to ourselves. Dinner tasted so good - salad, huevos frites and potates frites with red wine. After walking 20+ kilometers yesterday, food and wine and a shower finish a day off perfectly.
The countryside is beautiful...patchworks of fields and forests, rolling hills. I have several times looked back over my shoulder to take in the magnitude of what we have walked, especially the mountains. We actually walked over those! Wow. Walking slows down the tempo. There is so much to take in - the beautiful wildflowers, hedgerows, trees, cows, chickens, horses, even the old, old stone houses and barns. I feel as though I have stepped back in time.
We wash our clothes by hand because we get to as we walk our Camino. Today we passed an older woman washing clothes by hand and beating them with a stick...she has to. Different worlds.
Everyone we pass and see says ¨Buen Camino¨ - ¨Good Camino¨ -such a generous sweet blessing from all of the locals as we walk through their villages. We are not the first peregrinos (pilgrims) who pass through their town, and far from the last. We are one of many -today, yesterday and tomorrow.
I am walking the Camino and loving it. I am here now. And I will be back to walk the whole thing. What a blessing. What a gift. It is the way. It is my way.
Buenos dias, and mucho amor.
xo
The countryside is beautiful...patchworks of fields and forests, rolling hills. I have several times looked back over my shoulder to take in the magnitude of what we have walked, especially the mountains. We actually walked over those! Wow. Walking slows down the tempo. There is so much to take in - the beautiful wildflowers, hedgerows, trees, cows, chickens, horses, even the old, old stone houses and barns. I feel as though I have stepped back in time.
We wash our clothes by hand because we get to as we walk our Camino. Today we passed an older woman washing clothes by hand and beating them with a stick...she has to. Different worlds.
Everyone we pass and see says ¨Buen Camino¨ - ¨Good Camino¨ -such a generous sweet blessing from all of the locals as we walk through their villages. We are not the first peregrinos (pilgrims) who pass through their town, and far from the last. We are one of many -today, yesterday and tomorrow.
I am walking the Camino and loving it. I am here now. And I will be back to walk the whole thing. What a blessing. What a gift. It is the way. It is my way.
Buenos dias, and mucho amor.
xo
Sunday, May 24, 2009
today we start walking
I am on the bus from Leon to Ponferrada. We arrived in Leon yesterday. I walked into the Plaza de San Isodoro to see Sue sitting in the plaza drinking a cafe con leche. As we sat together and talked, the other pilgrims from our group came and joined us. I got to meet Paul and Wendy for the first time. I then also got to meet Kathy who has done all of her Ph work on the Camino. She is staying with Elyn and Gary. Gary also joined us. Now here is the smaill world - I read Elyn´s book,¨Following the Milky Way¨as one of the first books I read on the Camino. Elyn and Gary used to live in Boulder, before moving to Santa Fe, and most recently, t hey just moved over here to Spain. I was given the book by Barry Sensenig, a local Boulder chiropractor, who had been given the book by Elyn, who was one of his chiropractic patients. When I mentioned his name to Gary, he laughed and said he hadn´t heard Barry´s name in a long time, but obviously knew it and appreciated Barry. So there I was in Leon, and meeting the husband of the author of the book I loved on the Camino who used to live in Boulder. WOw.
We are in Varge de Valcarce waiting for lunch at Christina´s and then we begin our walking up into the rainy mountains. Today will be a steep walk - I trust my training at altitude will support me as I walk. I will let you know.
I am here. And I will be walking here shortly.
We are in Varge de Valcarce waiting for lunch at Christina´s and then we begin our walking up into the rainy mountains. Today will be a steep walk - I trust my training at altitude will support me as I walk. I will let you know.
I am here. And I will be walking here shortly.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Still in Toronto
I thought that I would be in Madrid by now, but when I got to the airport yesterday, I found out that only my flight to Toronto was on the 21st. My flight to Madrid is on the 22nd! Hmmm...so I made the decision to keep moving forward and here I am in Toronto, in my little hotel room downtown. I fly out tonight so I am going to spend the day walking and exploring. It's all good. I got a really good night's sleep, and I woke up feeling centered and strong. Last night I was feeling sad and scared. It was so hard to leave my family, especially my youngest two children. I had cried myself to sleep the night before, and then we all cried hard at the airport.
So today's a new day and I take the next step forward on my camino. Oh, yes..and as providence would have it, I now get to meet the group I walking the El Casino with at the airport this evening and fly over with them, rather than meet them in Leon, Spain. They are all from Toronto! Synchronicity is already occurring! Next time I will write from the other side of the "pond"
So today's a new day and I take the next step forward on my camino. Oh, yes..and as providence would have it, I now get to meet the group I walking the El Casino with at the airport this evening and fly over with them, rather than meet them in Leon, Spain. They are all from Toronto! Synchronicity is already occurring! Next time I will write from the other side of the "pond"
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Two Days Until I Leave for the El Camino de Santiago
Wow...I am getting down to the wire. I leave for Madrid on Thursday, arrive on Friday and then take a train to Leon in the afternoon. I then have the evening and most of the next day to myself before meeting up with the crew from Toronto with whom I am walking the El Camino de Santiago.
I will be assisting Sue Kenney, an experienced Camino pilgrim - see http://www.suekenney.ca/ for more information about her and her books and movie - to lead a small group of 4 pilgrims from Vega de Valcarce, west of Leon, to Santiago de Compostela. We are walking about 100 miles over ten days, planning to arrive in Santiago on June 1st.
I am so excited, and admittedly, a little nervous as well. I walked about 6 miles along the Mesa Trail along the edge of the foothills just west of Boulder down to Eldorado Springs on Sunday. I felt great, and even went to Pilates class that afternoon. If nothing else, I will have my Colorado altitude training on my side! Plus I have been walking with about 20 pounds on my back for the last 3 weeks - 20 pounds of popping corn and dried beans!
Tomorrow I pack my pack with clothes and other traveling items. Then I get to weigh it. They say I should take about 10% of my weight, which thankfully is way less than 20 pounds, but I am already nervous about how much I am bringing. I have actually been cutting travel books in half so that I bring only the part of the books that I really need. Feels so funny to cut a book up...isn't there a rule about never doing anything like that to a book?!
I will be writing more when I am in Spain...stay in touch to continue hearing about my adventures. Walking the Camino is just the beginning - the preparation - for the pilgrimage that follows!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Facebook | Tori Hoskin Zegel
Here are some great pictures from my 50th birthday party! While the party was not a surprise, having my sister, Tori, and my dad show up and be there was the best surprise of all!
Facebook Tori Hoskin Zegel
Facebook Tori Hoskin Zegel
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Learning to use my blackberry to send blogs
As part of my preparation for the Camino, I am learning about blogs and writing them using my blackberry. It is not as quick and easy as I want it to be. A lot of re typing
Monday, March 23, 2009
COURAGEOUS DREAMING
"We all have the potential to dream a sacred and courageous dream, one that goes beyond serving our personal desires and brings beauty to the world..."
Alberto Villoldo, Courageous Dreaming
What is your sacred and courageous dream?
My dream is to a lead people, especially women, on sacred journeys and pilgrimages. This spring, I will walk and travel my own pilgrimage of initiation. I will walk the last 100 miles of the El Camino de Santiago in Spain and then, with my 15-year old daughter, will continue to explore a sacred configuration of seven pre-Christian sites, from Santiago de Compostela, Spain, up through France to Rosslyn, Scotland. This sacred configuration formed the route of a pilgrimage of initiation used by the Druids and Christian mystics in their search for true knowledge and enlightenment.
I am calling this journey "La Camina". It embodies for me the sacred feminine and the hidden streams of spirituality that flow beneath the surface, connecting all of life, rooted in the body of the Earth and the ancient wisdom traditions.
This is my sacred journey. This is my sacred dream.
What is your sacred and courageous dream?
I believe we all have a sacred and courageous dream, whether we are conscious of it or not - or even whether we can give ourselves permission to have the dream. It takes courage to allow ourselves to dream, and not to wait until it's more convenient, the kids are older, or you have enough money.
"Whatever you can do or dream, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
-Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
"We all have the potential to dream a sacred and courageous dream, one that goes beyond serving our personal desires and brings beauty to the world..."
Alberto Villoldo, Courageous Dreaming
What is your sacred and courageous dream?
My dream is to a lead people, especially women, on sacred journeys and pilgrimages. This spring, I will walk and travel my own pilgrimage of initiation. I will walk the last 100 miles of the El Camino de Santiago in Spain and then, with my 15-year old daughter, will continue to explore a sacred configuration of seven pre-Christian sites, from Santiago de Compostela, Spain, up through France to Rosslyn, Scotland. This sacred configuration formed the route of a pilgrimage of initiation used by the Druids and Christian mystics in their search for true knowledge and enlightenment.
I am calling this journey "La Camina". It embodies for me the sacred feminine and the hidden streams of spirituality that flow beneath the surface, connecting all of life, rooted in the body of the Earth and the ancient wisdom traditions.
This is my sacred journey. This is my sacred dream.
What is your sacred and courageous dream?
I believe we all have a sacred and courageous dream, whether we are conscious of it or not - or even whether we can give ourselves permission to have the dream. It takes courage to allow ourselves to dream, and not to wait until it's more convenient, the kids are older, or you have enough money.
"Whatever you can do or dream, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
-Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
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