Winter seems to be my time to process deeply. I am engaged in a
connecting to my core process that is the next go-round in on the
spiral.
Last Monday I saw a pt who specializes in the pelvic floor. I am
coming into my core through my body! What I got from my session with
her is that I have been in disconnect in my belly, hips, yoni...this
whole area of my body has been not connected. Feels so weird to even
say that. I mean, I have given birth to 4 babies...but connecting to
my core was a mental construct...I understood with my mind what was
being asked if me, but I could never do it physically. Did not
connect for me. Mollie so validated my experience when she said that
no, I couldn't. My body couldn't do that with what has been true for
me. No wonder yoga and Pilates have been such a disempowering
experience for me...Mollie even validated that for me. All along ai
thought that something was wring with me...I am too weak, too stupid
to do this. What I came away with is that it's not that I am stupid
or weak. What it really is that there has been a fundamental
disconnect in my vagina and pelvic floor, physically and
energetically, that has not allowed or supported me to connect...a
significant gap in this synapse that is essential to connection to my
core.
There is nothing wrong with me.
And there is something going on in my body, that when addressed,
rebalanced and connected, can then be a conduit for this essential
connection. Can be my ally.
All these years I have been trying to go around my body, to connect
without it. Because I have had to...my body was not there to support
this. Wow...I actually must have a really strong will and desire to
connect!
This awareness actually "connects" everything for me...everything
since being told back in the days of the Work that I wasn't connected
to my Self or my core, I have been working really hard to connect,
understand, and know who my authentic self is. Now I get that the
fundamental pathway to connect simply has not been there. I have
actually needed the alliance and support of my body to connect...
It's a whole other exploration as to why it has not been there. I am
sure that there is a full explanation as to why. For now, it's enough
to say that I am sure that I made a decision as a young girl to
disconnect so that I could survive and be loved by my mom...and then
that decision translated into a physical disconnection that I have
been working around ever since.
I love how the mental/emotional is so perfectly reflected in the
body....amazing.
More soon.
Suseya!
Sent from my iPad
